(A Spoken Word)
I’m not who I used to be.
I trusted too freely—
words like honey,
truths too easy.
I was softer.
Open.
A light you could lean on.
Now I’m armored.
Questions stacked like bricks.
Answers?
Trickling through cracks I can’t fix.
I don’t bend.
I don’t sway.
I don’t play
the way I used to play.
I was likable.
Laughable.
Now I’m tactical.
Guarded.
Harder than I meant to be.
Once a joy—
now a burden.
A weight in my own chest.
A guest in my own skin.
Where did I come from.
-jason
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6 responses to “Where Did I Come From”
This is so deeply relatable. The way you capture that moment of seeing all the armor you’ve built for survival and realizing it’s not truly you hit me hard. It’s disorienting but also so honest. Thank you for putting it into words. Articulating this experience isn’t easy, and I appreciate your work.
Bat,
I’m really glad this touched you the way it did. Life doesn’t come with an owner’s manual, and I’ve learned to appreciate what I have, the experiences I get to live through—even when something’s missing. That touch… it’s hard. And speaking about it helps. It eases the weight of those inner thoughts, the ones that don’t just fade with time.
They say time heals everything, but I don’t think that’s true. Some things stay. Some things shape us. I could go on, but I’ll leave it there for now.
Just wanted to say—you’re amazing.
With gratitude,
—Jason
Awe, thanks! You are amazing, too, Jason. Very true, there is no book for life. We write it ourselves.
I have been grappling with my own heart for the longest time now. I’m still peeling back the layers to find who I am.
The journey into oneself is not pretty.
And you? What made you guarded? Is armoring yourself protecting you?
Hi Iba,
I think my guard comes from the weight of past connections—those that weren’t genuine, the ones that felt wrong from the start. It’s made me more protective of myself, if that makes sense. Your response really meant a lot to me, Iba. Thank you for showing up with such kindness and support. I truly appreciate it.
Gratefully,
Your friend,
—Jason
It does make sense. I believe we all have some of those experiences, some fleeting and some more deep and that changes our perception and us internally too.
I hope one day you’ll find the security that is due you so you can be who you truly are…
Always in your corner.